:: Richard Barrett's blog ::

:: Friday, April 04, 2003 ::

Yvonne, my church choir director, told me last night, "I heard your Bach arias on the radio on Sunday, they were beautiful! At first I didn't believe it was you!" She then quickly added, "I don't mean that in a bad way." Not that that was necessary for her to add - historically I've not been terribly good at my little dabblings in Bach. I tried (emphasis on the word tried) to sing the tenor aria from the Christmas Oratorio at a Christmas Eve service in 2001, which is the experience that informed her comment. She asked me to sing "Erwaege" for this year's Good Friday service. I'm more than happy to do so - we might even be able to come up with a tempo that works.

Also got a nice e-mail yesterday from the conductor of the St. John. He said my hard work showed on the Passion, and he also thanked me for the "beautiful, if not serene" cantata concert Saturday night. Well, there you go. I have to send him and the cantata conductor handwritten thank you notes this weekend.

Continuing our apparent hot streak of luck with motor vehicles, Megan's car died yesterday. A rod in the engine gave out and blew a hole in the engine block. We were planning on going to a one car system when we moved to Bloomington anyway, but that's not for another few months - so we're considering our options right now. We don't really want to throw money at the problem, not if we're only going to need one car come September anyway. Everybody keeps asking, "Can you just borrow a car?" Of course, none of the people who ask that have an extra one. I've put out inquiries at our church to see if there's anybody there who might be able to do an informal loan or short-term rental. We'll see. Argh. This wasn't really the time we wanted to deal with this.
:: Richard richardtenor@gmail.com 3:34 PM [+] ::
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A thought that occurred to me re-reading the below - both the left and the right have sliding scales in terms of the expectations they apply to people. If you're on the left, the better off you are, the higher the expectations; the worse off, the lower. If you're on the right, it seems the worse off you are, the higher the expectations; the better off, the lower. I can't really agree with either approach, ultimately.
:: Richard richardtenor@gmail.com 9:24 AM [+] ::
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In response to a comment - I consider myself a "just-left-of-center moderate" because, frankly, I don't think conservatives would want me. I'm pro-choice, I'm very much pro-free speech, I'm in favor of anti-discrimination laws for women, homosexuals, and ethnic minorities, and I'm for giving schools just about as much money as they want, particularly if it's going towards arts and humanities education. I also don't believe that the best way to deal with the problem of poor, starving, desperate people trying to get into our country so they can have a shot at a better life is to aim a gun at them. I don't generally believe that if violence doesn't solve a problem immediately, then increased amounts of violence should be employed until the problem is solved - rather, I believe that greater levels of violence will, more than likely, only make the problem worse. That said, I support what's going on in Iraq right now - for the most part. I'm not totally sold on how we went about it, but if we're there, then let's do what we have to do to finish what we started. Not finishing what we start, I believe, is one of the worst habits we have as a nation, and a humongous reason why we're where we are today. That has nothing to do with being on the left or the right - it has to do with a pathologically short national attention span.

Anyway - I think conservatives would question it if I called myself a conservative, and I'm damn sure liberals would be screaming in my face if I called myself a liberal. As a moderate, I find that everybody wants my vote but nobody wants to admit they agree with me. The fundamental issue where I find I part ways with the right is that I don't believe human beings are animals, nor should they be treated as such. Thus, the "stimulus-response" argument ("rewarded behavior is repeated", with the definition of a"reward" being apparently any reaction that does not provoke bone-chilling fear and unbearable agony) that gets used by the right in favor of treating human beings like animals (and generally the poorer and more desperate the human being in question, the more the right wants to treat them like animals) just doesn't wash with me. Where I part ways with the left is that I believe individuals bear the ultimate responsibility for their own actions, and are absolutely and 100% responsible and accountable to their community. Individualism trumping societal good is a dead end, as far as I'm concerned. You can argue that I've got it backwards on that being a liberal issue, but I keep my own counsel on that.

With regard to what I said earlier about current world events being a culmination of unresolved 20th century issues: here's one more potato to throw into that particular stew - http://money.cnn.com/2003/04/02/news/economy/sars_recession/index.htm

I can't help but feel like the perfect storm is coming. Not to sound like one of those "The End Is Near" folks, but it just feels like we're nearing one of those points in history where you have a very different world once you've reached the other side.

I haven't yet managed to totally unwrap my brain from around the Center of Nice 'n Tasty J. S. Bach Goodness. I've still got the St. John Passion and the Cantatas running through my head, and I can't help but alternately a) feel like I'm being laughed at a bit by Bach and His Gargantuan Brain b) find myself still seeking out more. Well, maybe it's a good thing. Oratorio jobs *can* pay well (even if the ones this last weekend didn't, exactly).
:: Richard richardtenor@gmail.com 5:11 PM [+] ::
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I don't generally consider myself exactly conservative - I'm more of a just-left-of-center moderate - but I find myself having a reaction to the following that would likely be characterized as "right wing": http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/134666351_dual01e0.html

Specifically: "Nitza Melo, a bilingual AmeriCorps VISTA volunteer at Woodin Elementary, said Spanish-speaking parents at Woodin were relieved to hear about the dual-language program. They had serious concerns, she said, that their children would lose hold of their native culture. 'It's a fear that's valid,' said Melo. 'There's a sense that students put on themselves that to be white is to be better.'"

Maybe I'm just dense, but how is it that the English language is suddenly equated with being "white"? The implication is that the United States is not entitled to its own unique culture, and that it is better for those *choosing* to come to the United States to impose their native culture on Americans, diluting American culture, than to have to adapt to American culture. I'm afraid I don't understand this at all.

To be fair, I'm all for encouraging multi-lingualism - I have a working knowledge of a couple of other languages, and I'm glad for it. But I think the goal for multilingualism should be Americans being able to enrich their own communication skills, not keeping people who choose to come to the United States from having to adapt. By not making them adapt, we only cheat them in the long run.
:: Richard richardtenor@gmail.com 2:36 PM [+] ::
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I found myself gravitating towards the Bach section of Capitol Music yesterday, I have to say, thumbing through the scores for the Magnificat, the St. Matthew, the B Minor Mass... it was like, "I've done one and I didn't die. What else can I do?" I should ask Steve Wall what he thinks I should tackle next, to make sure I don't just have enough rope with which to hang myself.
:: Richard richardtenor@gmail.com 11:38 AM [+] ::
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I've got a Bach oratorio under my belt now. I felt good about it - I sang it fine, and I got all the notes, words, rhythms, and entrances right. (Which, I might add, is more than I can say for some of the other soloists.) I didn't exactly own it, but that'll come once I've done it a few times. For a first crack at a Bach oratorio, I feel pretty good about it.

What I didn't particularly care for was the way some of the, shall we say, older soloists responded to me. How it came across from one or two of them was, "If you can't sing it the first time out like you've been singing it for twenty years, don't expect me to be nice to you. Get your experience on somebody else's time." Nonetheless, I heard enough good things from Megan, one of my coaches, the conductor, and people in the audience that I’m trying to not take it personally. Trying to not take it personally, that is, while telling friends of mine to remind me in twenty years that this is how I felt now, so I don’t treat young singers that way.

What Steve Wall told me was, "You were just fine, you just didn't get a lot of help from the conductor." He thought "Ach, mein Sinn" and "Erwaege" were both too fast - and he's probably right. It’ll probably take another time or two with the piece to really be able to know what to tell conductors about the tempi.

Anyway, it was rather nice to go to Gondoliers rehearsal when it was all over with and be able to sing some comparatively mindless music that I *do* own.

I told my boss today that we're planning on moving at the end of the summer. It's a strange feeling. That company has been such a big part of my life for so long, it's feeling a touch scary to actually be articulating to people there that I'm going to leave - but it’s even scarier to stay. I don't want to be there, it’s not what I want to do, and that's a really difficult company to work for when it's not what you really want to do. I've been able to get by for the last few years, but the time to do that is over. The culture is such that it's not enough to simply keep doing the same job – if you’re not getting better, as far as they're concerned, you’re getting worse. It’s not acceptable to just do a consistent job - you either keep striving to achieve more or you don't belong there. Well, I guess I don't belong there. The job has changed; I haven't. That makes it the wrong place for me to be, plain and simple, and it seems to make anything I do to try to improve the situation wrong. I think, quite frankly, that by telling my supervisor today I made it easy on him - if I'm quitting, he doesn't have to fire me. I just can't see a scenario where that isn't ultimately what he does if I stay. My guess is that even if Indiana hadn't panned out, I'd still be transitioning in August to... well, something else. Who knows what. So, ultimately, I find myself thanking God that I have someplace to go and that I'll be able to leave on my own terms. I'm still waiting to hear about money from Indiana, but that's not going to be a dealbreaker one way or the other. If they don't make a scholarship offer I'll press it, but it's not going to stop me. Especially not at this stage of the game. It can't.

Something else happened this evening that I can only characterize as God demonstrating the closed state of yet another door for me here in Seattle. Bernie's singing one of the small roles in Fidelio - First Prisoner. He's had the role for months; I could sing it better than he can, but he's been around, and he deserves it. He also needs the money more than I do - so I don't begrudge that at all. However, tonight, I was there when a tenor in the chorus who is not even quite at Bernie's level was asked to cover it. It's for the best; I don't really want to be remembered by anybody in management there for my chorus involvement. It just demonstrates very explicitly to me that there is simply nothing left I can do here, nothing left for me to accomplish, nothing more that can be offered me. I'm not going to able to reach the next level I need to reach by sticking around here; I will always be passed up for certain things, and the things I won't be passed up for will never quite be significant enough for anybody to care. The best thing for me to do is go to Indiana, work hard for a few years, and come out more polished and with the top in place. That's really my only option at this stage of the game. As long as I stay in Seattle, I will be either "not quite ready" or, in a few years, "too old".

My problem is that I've always been solid, but I've never been flashy; I've never been a wunderkind or a prodigy. I've had to work hard for everything I'm able to do, and it seems like I've had to work just a bit harder than everybody else in order to do it at all. I think my having to work hard has played against me in a lot of cases; maybe it's really good in the long run because it means I didn't get too much too fast, and I'm getting things as I'm ready for them, not before. So, again, my best bet is to go to Indiana and use the time to polish myself and get to the next level. Ellen McClain was right - by not finishing my training I'm cheating myself. Shortcuts aren't going to help me at this stage of the game.
:: Richard richardtenor@gmail.com 12:16 AM [+] ::
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It was pointed out by Glenn Guhr and his wife Sheila Bristow at dinner tonight that churches are really one of the last places in our culture where children are consistently exposed to "serious" music, let alone live music of really any stripe. With an increasingly "unchurched" population, that's a rather frightening thought.

The first of two Bach concerts for the weekend are over. Tonight, it was four cantatas - one for solo bass (Glenn Guhr), one for solo alto (Sharon Buck), and two for solo quartet (the soprano being Lisa Rogers Lee). Fun, but now that it's done it's a weight that's off my shoulders. Tomorrow it's the St. John Passion, and I'm thinking that it'll be a lot easier now that this cantata performance is over with. It went well, but it was so hastily and stressfully put together that it weighed down on a lot of other things. The nice thing is that singing in the Tudor Choir for the time that I did taught me pretty well how to fake that kind of music when I have to. I'm prepared for the St. John (more or less), and now I can just focus on that for the next sixteen hours or so. After the St. John I will be very happy for some relatively "mindless" music in the form of Gondoliers rehearsal.

The suicide bombing reported this morning and subsequent announcement by the Iraqi VP that they are now "military policy" leaves me with a rather sick feeling. I'm gradually starting to think that this could take a long time - and very possibly become the Great War, redux. What a thought that is. Given the idea that, as with WWI, what we're seeing is a series of unresolved issues left over from the previous century coming to a head all at once, it's not terribly surprising, but neither is it pleasant to think that this is going to a long haul type of fight that will eventually involve everybody. How soon till Iraq decides to start sending suicide bombers to the United States? A month? Six months? A year?
:: Richard richardtenor@gmail.com 12:07 AM [+] ::
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